Yet another quest ramble...
Oct. 18th, 2005 11:11 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cerridwynnFor those of you who aren't questies, feel free to ignore. Actually, those of you who are questies can ignore as well, of course. I just have a lot of thoughts about last weekend that i feel i need to vent -- and this seems as appropriate a forum as any.
I'm actually glad to see so much discussion of the bizarre PC-PC dynamics -- at least it's not just me! And i don't want to sound like a sore loser or anything, 'cause i don't play quest to "win" -- i couldn't care less about winning or losing. I just want to be able to interact with other people and create some sort of interesting alternate space. I just want to play make-believe!
But i left this weekend's otherwise awesome game feeling unsettled and disappointed -- and until i read some of your posts i wasn't really sure why. Actually, some of you witnessed my rather immature outburst of frustration on sunday morning. I horrified myself -- i've never been one to take quest too seriously -- it's a game! I don't care if my characters die or if they do incredibly stupid things. I just want to participate in some cool role-playing moments. But my frustration wasn't with the events happening in the game. Sure our party was getting rather stomped, but that can be fun too! Instead, i felt a resurgence of an old out of game feeling -- i felt left out, even actively excluded. Interesting things were happening and it wasn't just that i wasn't directly involved -- i didn't even know what they were! Saturday's PC-PC battle was great -- but just ignoring/scoffing at/being creeped out by the other PCs just wasn't fun for very long. And when i tried to interact i got nowhere. I felt like stomping my feet like a little kid and shouting "why wont anyone play with me???"
I admit, this probably wouldn't have been a problem if our numbers weren't so thin and that was one of the many unfortunate circumstances of the weekend that were beyond anyone's control. I also admit that i could have done a whole lot more to try to find some fun -- certainly it wasn't a problem with the game or a shortage of plot! But somehow, without other people to role-play with, getting things done in game just isn't that satisfying. Sure, saturday night's defeat of zugzug was fun, but it felt flat to me. Even though i interacted with other players, i didn't really feel like we were role-playing so much as setting our characters aside to get the job done. It was a fun solution to a problem but it never felt "real".
Maybe the people who suggested that there was a problem with expectations are right. But, at least for me, i don't think these are expectations that a game will have one design or another. Rather, i think they are expectations of reward -- what do you expect to get out of the game? Do you play to participate in the creation of a unique space or do you play to achieve a goal? They shouldn't be mutually exclusive and i'm still not sure why this time they were.
I don't know how coherent any of this is, or what exactly i expect to get out of this prolonged rant. Just express my two cents, i suppose, and also explain some of my actions. And look for some commiseration. Or some clarification. Because i usually leave pomfret feeling refreshed from my escape from the real world. This time i felt like the real world (not to mention all my real world insecurities) invaded my safe space.
I'm actually glad to see so much discussion of the bizarre PC-PC dynamics -- at least it's not just me! And i don't want to sound like a sore loser or anything, 'cause i don't play quest to "win" -- i couldn't care less about winning or losing. I just want to be able to interact with other people and create some sort of interesting alternate space. I just want to play make-believe!
But i left this weekend's otherwise awesome game feeling unsettled and disappointed -- and until i read some of your posts i wasn't really sure why. Actually, some of you witnessed my rather immature outburst of frustration on sunday morning. I horrified myself -- i've never been one to take quest too seriously -- it's a game! I don't care if my characters die or if they do incredibly stupid things. I just want to participate in some cool role-playing moments. But my frustration wasn't with the events happening in the game. Sure our party was getting rather stomped, but that can be fun too! Instead, i felt a resurgence of an old out of game feeling -- i felt left out, even actively excluded. Interesting things were happening and it wasn't just that i wasn't directly involved -- i didn't even know what they were! Saturday's PC-PC battle was great -- but just ignoring/scoffing at/being creeped out by the other PCs just wasn't fun for very long. And when i tried to interact i got nowhere. I felt like stomping my feet like a little kid and shouting "why wont anyone play with me???"
I admit, this probably wouldn't have been a problem if our numbers weren't so thin and that was one of the many unfortunate circumstances of the weekend that were beyond anyone's control. I also admit that i could have done a whole lot more to try to find some fun -- certainly it wasn't a problem with the game or a shortage of plot! But somehow, without other people to role-play with, getting things done in game just isn't that satisfying. Sure, saturday night's defeat of zugzug was fun, but it felt flat to me. Even though i interacted with other players, i didn't really feel like we were role-playing so much as setting our characters aside to get the job done. It was a fun solution to a problem but it never felt "real".
Maybe the people who suggested that there was a problem with expectations are right. But, at least for me, i don't think these are expectations that a game will have one design or another. Rather, i think they are expectations of reward -- what do you expect to get out of the game? Do you play to participate in the creation of a unique space or do you play to achieve a goal? They shouldn't be mutually exclusive and i'm still not sure why this time they were.
I don't know how coherent any of this is, or what exactly i expect to get out of this prolonged rant. Just express my two cents, i suppose, and also explain some of my actions. And look for some commiseration. Or some clarification. Because i usually leave pomfret feeling refreshed from my escape from the real world. This time i felt like the real world (not to mention all my real world insecurities) invaded my safe space.
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*hug*
Date: 2005-10-19 01:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-10-19 04:46 pm (UTC)Yeah, I felt like I had no idea what was going on, and like we could never actually do anything. Not only were we beaten when it came to achieving our objectives, but I also felt that we were beaten when it came to doing anything at all. And I'm not sure why this was.
And that made it extremely difficult for me to stay in character or give proper attention to role-playing considerations, and I feel bad that that failure may have made it harder for my party members to enjoy themselves. Because I was definitely psyched about getting to be in a party with you.